They call me Mama...

I work, I clean, I cook, I scrub, and I fold. I kiss owies, style hair, prepare lunches and run errands. I make homemade gifts, run a business, write my blog, walk the dog, exercise to get fit and greet my man at the door each night he gets home from work. Am I perfect? No, not even close. Do I try to be? Well obviously, look at all the things I do in one day. I AM NOT MY MOTHER-IN-LAW! Which I like to remind Jake of. I love the woman but I'm not her, nor will I ever be and nor do I want to be.  She homeschooled all 3 of her sons, went to co-op with them, helped teach at our church and does the bookkeeping for her husband's HVAC company. Honestly, I tell her all the time, it's a miracle she hasn't gone crazy and ran away yet. She doesn't even drink! Yes, I am in awe of her. She's an amazing woman. But again, I am not her. I'm not that 50's housewife that I set out to be. While there may disagreements on this in my home, I think I work way harder than Jake. I don't get a day off from my job. It follows me around, literally, she hangs off me while I am trying to go to the bathroom and asks me what I'm doing! 

The other day I was reading these posts about all the things we're doing wrong as parents and one about all the things that we're doing right as parents. Who are these people who do not know me to judge me as a parent? As far as they know, I'm not doing any of the things that "they" think I should be doing or maybe I'm doing all of them. Sadly, we are all quick to judge at one point or another. I admit I have been guilty of it and I have worked very hard not to.

I was thinking about it all weekend after reading that I am "trying too hard to be a perfect parent." I'm not trying to be a perfect parent by anyone's standards other than my own. If your kid looks at you in awe when you make them mac & cheese for lunch, well then you are a perfect parent. They are just so excited and so happy that you gave them something they love which makes you perfect to them. Audrey thinks I'm perfect still because I am home with her everyday. I make her laugh, feed her meals, teach her how to play fetch with the dog and cuddle her when ever she asks me to.

While men say they want a woman like their mother, it's not true. Look, they moved away from their mommy's for a reason! I tried really hard to be June Cleaver, for Jake. I have a set cleaning schedule I do every day. He gets home from work and I am waiting at the door to take his lunch box and give him a kiss. I make him a homemade dinner while he relaxes and plays with Audrey. Come bed time, I clean up from dinner, make his lunch and breakfast for the next day, crawl in bed, kiss him goodnight and roll over in exhaustion.  Now you're probably think I'm lying about something here. Well here is the thing, I actually do all of those everyday, only I don't do it to nearly as well as I would like to. Which is ok. Jake tells me all the time that my job is to take care of Audrey and myself first. I have sacrificed eating all day just to make sure he can come home to a spotless house and not have to worry about not having clean clothes. Does it make me happy when I do that? Not a flippin' bit! I am
a mean person when I am hungry and Jake knows that I'm scary.

There will be days when you are just so exhausted you can't do it all. THAT IS ALRIGHT!!! You don't have to do it all to be perfect. If you and your family are all happy at the end of the day, then you were a perfect parent. Plenty of times I feel like a bad parent because I can't give Audrey what she wants at the moment but then I remind myself, I'm not THAT parent. I don't cave and give her something just because she cries. I know in a few years, I will hear I'm a mean mommy. I will survive it and so will she. As long as I get to be Audrey's mom at the end of the day and get her kisses and hear I love you, that's perfect parenting for me. So stop beating yourself up. Stop letting other's judgment affect your confidence. If you're doing everything you can to make your kid happy and not being an abusive parent, then you're a perfect parent.



In the words of Taylor Swift, "And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off!"

*Alyssa*

Being a happy family, even when you are fighting

I don't claim to be an expert on anything but I do think I am a damn good mom and a wonderful better half to Jake. We're just like anyone else, we all argue and get annoyed with one another. It's natural, we are all different and think and feel differently.  It's how you handle it that's important.

My dad and I have the same temperament. We get mad, blow up, then we're over it. Firecracker style we say. Short tempers and sometimes just a grunt and mumble can make us feel better. It takes a lot to really make Jake mad and he can stay mad for a while. He is scary good at the silence and distancing himself part. Audrey is still in the hating hearing no and lying on the ground phase. We'll see how she turns out.

 

While we may fight, we still love each other. I know that we can tend to over think a situation and make it bigger in our heads (I do way too often), it's reminding ourselves that we are still loved. I may blow up and yell at him for throwing his dirty socks on the floor and he may yell at me for a credit card bill. Doesn't mean we're going to leave each other. Now, we are not perfect nor a perfect couple. We have had many ups and downs but what makes us a great couple is that we learn from those moments each time. It happens to all of us and it was a real struggle for us because we grew up together in our relationship. As you can see, we were just kids when we met. 16 and 17, completely love struck. It takes a lot of work to stay with someone after high school and entering the real world.

 

One of the biggest thing that has really helped us is that we put God first in our family. When we first met, I'm about to date myself here, texting had only been around a couple years. So of course we were up texting all night for the first week. I remember one of the first things I asked him was if he believed in God. Phew, so glad he said yes because I thought he was a total babe ;) and no way I would have gone out with him had he not been a believer. We have been attending church together for almost 7 years and I am glad. It is great to talk about the sermon afterwards with him and get his perspective. We baptized Audrey when she was 3 months old and are raising her to be a believer. I want her to always be happy and proud her of faith. While it is still hard for her to sit still in mass, she is happy to be there and all of the other members just love her, especially when she blows them kisses or shares her goldfish crackers.

 

The biggest thing I want you to take away from this post, is that you are loved and that is great. Say I love you constantly, be a broken record. Send each other silly texts. I love when my parents still hug me and kiss my forehead even though I'm an adult now. I will never stop asking my mom to scratch my back either. It takes a lot of work to be a family and it takes everyone to contribute. Find what works for your family and stick to it. Have dinner together with out the tv on or someone reading the newspaper. Try to find interest in your partner's interest. Jake and I love the Seahawks and have a great time watching the games together. We bond over that and I am sure he loves having a hotty around the house always rocking Hawk gear.

 

 

In the words of the late Bob Marley, "Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you are riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!

 

*Alyssa*