Oh My! Monday: You'll never have sex again... what?

*Note This is not a sponsored post. All opinions are my own and not influenced by others in any matter.*

 

This weekend we rented SEX TAPE. FUNNY! If you have not seen it, you should. I was rolling on the couch and cracking up. Jake and I kept looking at each other and laughing. It's easily relatable to anyone with kids because they were completely honest in it. They didn't try to add any Hollywood fluff.

 

It follows the story of Jay and Annie, they fall in love, have ridiculous amounts of sex, get pregnant, get married, have another kid and of course, they don't have sex anymore. When they announce their pregnancy to her parents, her father says well no more sex. Of course, every parent will laugh there. Again, easily relatable. They don't have sex and try to "schedule" it constantly. Finally the idea of making a sex tape comes up. Which the whole thing is hysterical and like typical movie stories, going to be a disastrous situation. Then it is the struggles of getting "back" the video after it's uploaded to the cloud. Hilarity over and over. 

 

For me, this was an amazing movie. Annie is a mommy blogger. She writes about her life and the real struggles. The movie starts out with her writing a blog post and asking, When was the first time your husband saw you naked? Then when was the second? Now do you remember the last time?

 

Before kids, sex is so easy and so natural. It's fun and there isn't any work in it. After kids, it's a whole new ball game. You have trouble feeling sexy, things don't look like they did before you got pregnant and where is the time? Any parent will tell you, it was hard to be intimate with their SO after kids came into the picture. You're too tired, the kid wakes up, or there is a kid in your bed. I know you're laughing and nodding your head in agreement with me.

 

Every romantic comedy has a grand epiphany with the moral. This one was that we, as parents, quite often forget about our significant other and devote all of our time and energy to our children. That's great but you can't forget about one another. Intimacy is something that we try to act like we don't need but we do. When I say intimacy, I don't mean just having sex. It can be, cuddling on the couch watching a movie. Back rubs for one another. A little flirting or even some fun texts.

I have made plenty of wise cracks about how we aren't even near intimate the amount we were before we were parents. That's ok. We flirt with each other constantly. We make jokes about sex and have fun with it. So, get a sitter, order in some food, and rent a movie. It will be worth it.

*Alyssa*

Oh My! Monday: Make them feel loved

I know majority of my readers are parents but for those of you who aren't,  this article is still for you.

Think, how long have you been in a relationship? Not just the married years but from day 1 of meeting your SO. What was it that first caught your eye to them? Did either of you play hard to get or was it just like a magnet to the fridge attraction? How soon did you feel the sparks?

Now jump ahead to now. What is it that causes you to still be so in love after all of this time? Is it the way they laugh at your cheesy jokes? The fact that they still flirt with you? Do you ever just look at them and smile for nothing? Have you started to appreciate their obnoxious habits?

In every relationship,  there comes a time where we think we're about to break and contemplate the end of it. Work, money, having kids, family events, a multitude of things can create this. Here is the thing though, true love will bring you back from that and remind you of the good. We all fight. If you say you've never fought with your SO, then you're not in an honest relationship. There are a lot of things that can make you fight and the worst part of fighting... we start to feel like we aren't loved like they used to.

I know I have been there a few times and I know that I have made him feel that way. I hate it. When I feel that way, I make myself sick. I question everything about myself from my physical appearance to my personality, the things I do and the things I don't do. I start questioning him and if fidelity will ever become an issue for either of us.

My parents have been great role models for me about how to handle everything that comes up in a relationship. I can talk to them about anything I know, just choose not to ask them on things pertaining to our sex life (for obvious awkward reasons). But here is the thing, if you don't feel like your partner is sexually attracted to you it will affect how you act everyday. It is a blow to your confidence. You are less affectionate and start to say I love you less. When we're fighting,  I don't want to be near him let alone sleep next to him snoring.

You need to show your SO that you love them. Show them that they are important to you. My parents still gross me out with how much they love each other. They kiss and cuddle up in their giant bean bag while watching their shows. Go, pat her butt when she walks past. Whistle when he bends over and gets a plumbers crack. Don't ever let them begin to think that you don't feel like you used to. I show Jake by meeting him at the door when he gets home with a kiss. When I walk past him I will kiss his forehead. I do little things that I think make him happy. One of the biggest reasons people cheat is their needs aren't being met at home. It starts with emotions and can lead to sex. Never let that happen.

Go on a date. Rent a movie. Cook dinner together. Play a card game. Find something that you can do together and start from there.

Remember, someone loves you.

*Alyssa*